Etiquette, << EHT uh keht, >> is a code of behavior that helps people get along with one another. Some people think of it as a set of rigid rules concerning such subjects as the proper dress for a party, the organization of a wedding, or the setting of a dinner table. But etiquette deals with a much wider range of behavior—everything from being a guest to blowing your nose, riding an elevator to sending a text message.
Each culture has its own system of etiquette. Behavior considered proper in one culture may be considered improper in another. In Japan, for example, people take off their shoes before entering a house. In the United States, guests might be regarded as impolite if they removed their shoes. In general, this article discusses etiquette in Western society.
Etiquette also varies within a culture. People in large cities have customs that differ from those of residents of small towns. For example, in large U.S. cities, most people do not drop in on each other uninvited. In small U.S. towns, however, an occasional unannounced visit is considered friendly. Many of society’s subgroups—such as teenagers, politicians, or sports teammates—have their own rules to guide behavior, language, and dress within the group. Thus, a greeting considered appropriate between two surfers may be inappropriate for two judges.
A special form of etiquette called protocol is observed at social functions attended by government officials, military officers, foreign diplomats, and high-level professional people. For example, protocol specifies that such individuals be seated at dinner in a definite order according to their rank or position. Protocol also indicates the titles that should be used when speaking or writing to these people (see Address, Forms of).
Etiquette in daily life
Introduction etiquette.
Proper etiquette requires that introductions be made whenever necessary. If someone you know joins your conversational group, you should introduce that person to the group. Etiquette guidelines state that you introduce the person of lesser status to the person of greater status. In other words, you present children to adults, employees to bosses, students to teachers, and new friends to old friends. You do this by saying the name of the person of greater status first. For example, “Grandma, this is my friend Anthony from soccer camp. Anthony, this is my grandmother, Mrs. Jones.” Or, “Your honor, I would like to introduce my law partner Steven Strong. Steven, this is Judge Elena Rivera.” When introducing someone, include some information about that person. This helps the people being introduced to engage in further conversation.
Always shake hands when you are introduced to someone. Look the person in the eyes and use a firm grip. If you are seated when a newcomer enters the room, stand up to be greeted or introduced.
Invitation etiquette.
Invitations may be extended electronically (through e-mail, social media, or the website Evite), or by a written note, printed or engraved card, or telephone call. Your choice of form may depend on the size and formality of the event and the time available for organizing it. For example, a person might use the telephone to invite six friends to dinner a week later but a text message to see if a friend is free that evening. For a wedding, a person might use printed or engraved invitations and mail them six weeks before the event. 
It is important to reply promptly to any invitation sent to you, because the host needs to know how many people will be attending. The sooner the event, the more quickly you should respond. Replies to formal invitations, such as those for weddings, follow a prescribed format (see Letter writing (Formal invitations) (Informal invitations) ).
Dating etiquette.
In the past, dating followed a set of specific rules. For example, the man chose the activities for the date and paid all the expenses. Today, the rules of dating etiquette are much more flexible. Women can ask men out and pay the bill. Many couples share the cost of the date and decide together what they will do.
Telephone etiquette.
Courtesy is as important when speaking over the telephone as when talking face to face. A person should answer the phone with a pleasant “hello.” When taking a message, write down the caller’s full name and telephone number, as well as the time of the call. When using voice mail, keep greetings and messages brief.
The use of cell phones, smartphones, and pagers has generated new rules of etiquette. For instance, it is impolite to text or talk on a cell phone while in a restaurant or motion-picture theater. If you are with others and must take a call, move to a private spot where your conversation would not be an intrusion. Silence your phone or pager when quiet or respect is required, such as in a library, classroom, or place of worship. When in a social setting, give people your full attention. It is impolite to text, play computer games, or focus on your smartphone when others are present and want your company.
Internet etiquette.
Internet etiquette is based on the same rules of courtesy and respect observed in face-to-face social interactions. For example, be thoughtful and considerate when sending e-mail or other electronic messages. Do not say anything you would not say in person. Do not forward private messages or photos without getting permission. Take the time to proofread your text and correct any errors. Keep in mind that written electronic communications do not provide visual or vocal clues to their meaning. Such messages are prone to misinterpretation without facial expressions, body language, or the sound of a person’s voice. Although it is polite to reply as promptly as you can, with instant communications it is often a good idea to wait before responding so that you do not impulsively send a message you later regret. Remember, electronic communications and posts cannot be taken back. Once they are sent, they exist electronically forever.
Be sensible when using acronyms, abbreviations, and emoticons. Emoticons are combinations of keyboard symbols used in messages, especially e-mail, to indicate such facial expressions as a smile or frown. Although such symbols can save time and help to convey meaning and intent, they can also be confusing, especially for people who do not understand Internet shorthand. Electronic messages are best for brief and informal communications. Whenever possible, avoid using them for bad or sad news, condolences, confrontations, or issues with heavy emotional content.
When using social media, be kind. Do not gossip, bully, spread rumors, or send hurtful messages. Do not post photographs or comments that invade someone else’s privacy. Be careful about revealing intimate details of your or anyone else’s life in a public forum.
How etiquette develops and changes
The origins of etiquette.
As prehistoric people began to interact with one another, they learned to behave in ways that made life easier and more pleasant. For example, as people learned to plant crops and farm, the ability to store food led to communal eating. Rituals developed for the preparation and sharing of meals and, over time, evolved into the table manners of today.
Early civilizations, such as those of ancient Greece and Rome, also developed rules for proper social conduct. Such rules became more formal during the Middle Ages, a period that extended from about the A.D. 400’s through the 1400’s in Europe. During the Middle Ages, boys training to become knights learned a code of conduct called chivalry. According to this code, a knight was devoted to the Christian church and his country and treated women with great respect. Some aspects of chivalry, particularly the special treatment of women, became a traditional part of manners.
Much of today’s formal etiquette originated in the French royal courts during the 1600’s and 1700’s. King Louis XIV drew up a daily list of events, giving time, place, and proper dress. It was posted in his palace at Versailles as an etiquette, a French word meaning ticket, to help the nobles know what to do. It brought order to court society, and other monarchs adopted the code of behavior for their own courts. In time, upper classes throughout the Western world adopted the code, which then spread to more and more people.
Etiquette today
concerns itself less with rigid rules governing formal occasions, and more with everyday living. The goal is to help people of all lifestyles get along well by respecting one another’s rights, feelings, beliefs, person, privacy, and property. Etiquette today is based on common sense and consideration of others, regardless of one’s gender, social status, race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation.
Etiquette also evolves along with changes in society and technology. For example, since 1950, the roles of women have changed dramatically. What used to be considered correct behavior for men—emphasizing male gallantry, chivalry, leadership, and dominance—no longer has a place in public life. Child-rearing and household responsibilities are shared more equally between parents. When men and women work, socialize, or raise a family together, good manners decree that they help each other when help is needed, without any reference to a person’s gender.
Books on etiquette
The first known guide to courteous behavior was written by Ptah-hotep, a government official in ancient Egypt. His work, The Instruction of Ptah-hotep, dates from about 2400 B.C. One of the earliest European etiquette books, A Treatise on Courtesy, was compiled by the German writer Thomasin von Zerclaere in about A.D. 1200. A hugely popular guide to manners, On Civility in Children, by the Dutch scholar Erasmus, appeared in 1530. It became required reading for young people throughout Europe for more than two centuries. The first established etiquette guide in the United States was Etiquette (1922), by the American author Emily Post (see Post, Emily).
