Marriage is the relationship between two people who have made a legal agreement to live together. When two people marry, or wed, they become spouses. When a man and a woman marry, they become husband and wife. Some governments permit same-sex marriages between two men or two women. Most couples decide to marry because they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together. The majority of couples who marry plan to have children and raise a family. Weddings are important religious ceremonies in many of the world’s religions and significant celebrations in most cultures. Married life is sometimes called matrimony.
Two people who marry hope to share a sexual relationship and a permanent romantic attraction. But each hopes the other will always be a close friend as well. Each also expects the other to help with many problems and to share certain responsibilities. These responsibilities include protecting and caring for children, earning a living, budgeting money, paying bills, preparing meals, and taking care of a home. Marriage serves as a basis of family life (see Family).
Most people plan to marry at some point in their lives. However, many people never marry. Some people who remain single may not find a mate with whom they want to share their life. Others may not want the many responsibilities required of a successful marriage. Still others prefer to stay unmarried because they enjoy their independence. Some people remain unmarried for religious reasons. For example, Roman Catholic priests take vows to stay celibate—that is, unmarried and uninvolved in sexual relations.
The path to marriage.
In India and some other countries, most marriages are arranged by parents deciding whom their children will marry. But in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and other Western countries, nearly everyone makes their own decision about whom and when to marry.
In many societies, two people usually date, or go on social outings, before they marry. The age at which people begin dating varies widely. Many teenagers date, although many others socialize primarily in large, mixed-sex groups. As adolescents move into young adulthood, they are more likely to experience dating relationships. Two people who date spend much time getting to know each other. After they have dated for a while, they may find that they love each other and become engaged to be married. The process leading up to engagement is sometimes called courtship. In many cases, a man gives a woman an engagement ring as a token of their agreement to marry.
Some couples who date choose to live together before becoming engaged. This practice is often called cohabitation. Although most major religions disapprove of cohabitation before marriage, it has become an increasingly common step on the path to marriage.
Laws concerning marriage
differ from country to country. Many countries have national marriage laws. In other countries, including the United States and Canada, marriage regulations are handled primarily at local, state, or provincial levels. In a majority of countries, one man marries one woman and they stay married unless one of them dies or they are divorced. This system of marriage is called monogamy.
Age requirement.
Nearly all countries have a minimum age requirement for marriage. In many countries, the minimum age is 15. In many other countries, as well as most U.S. states, it is 18, although it is sometimes younger with parental consent or a judge’s permission. Most legal systems require that both individuals freely consent to marry. If a person is forced or tricked into marrying against their will, it may be possible to have the marriage annulled (canceled).
Marriage license.
In most countries, a couple must have a marriage license to marry. A government may require couples to have blood tests or medical examinations before they can get a marriage license. A waiting period is usually required between the day a couple apply for a license and the day they marry. This period gives both people time to make sure they want to marry. The waiting period developed from a Roman Catholic custom that requires a couple to announce their intention to marry publicly on each of the three Sundays before the wedding day. During the time between the first announcement and the wedding, anyone who believes the couple should not marry may say so. The announcements are called banns.
Divorce.
If a couple cannot overcome problems in their marriage, they may seek to legally end the marriage with a divorce. But the laws of most nations permit divorce only under certain circumstances. A person seeking a divorce generally must appear in court to explain why the marriage should end. Divorce is usually restricted because it breaks up a family, the basic unit of society. Some countries, including the Philippines, prohibit divorce. See Divorce.
Same-sex unions and marriages.
A majority of countries do not legally recognize same-sex marriages. But same-sex marriages are legal in dozens of countries, including the United States. For a list of countries where same-sex marriages are legal, see Same-sex marriage (table: Countries where same-sex marriages are legal). Some countries and U.S. states have allowed same-sex couples to enter into civil unions or domestic partnerships. These are legal relationships similar to a marriage, but usually with fewer rights and responsibilities.
Other marriage laws and practices.
In some countries, two unmarried people may, for certain purposes, be considered married if they live together as spouses for a certain period. In such cases, a court may presume them married if there is no evidence to the contrary. This is sometimes known as a common law marriage.
Some legal systems permit a couple to marry even if a bride or groom cannot be present at the wedding ceremony. However, someone must serve as a proxy (substitute) for the absent person. This type of marriage is called marriage by proxy.
Polygamy is a general term for a system in which a person has more than one spouse . Polygamy is illegal in the United States and most Western nations. However, polygyny—that is, the marriage of one man to multiple women—is practiced in many African and Middle Eastern cultures. Islamic law permits a man to have as many as four wives if he can afford to support them all. A few societies have practiced polyandry—that is, the marriage of one woman to multiple men.
All countries forbid incest, which is marriage or sexual relations between certain close relatives. However, different societies have different views on what constitutes incest. For example, some societies forbid cousins from marrying, while others permit such marriages.
Some societies require a person to marry someone who belongs to their own tribe or group. This custom is called endogamy. In other societies, an individual must follow the rules of exogamy and marry a person from another tribe or village.
In certain cultures, marriage involves a gift from the family of the bride or groom to the other’s family. In some societies, for example, the bride’s family gives money or property to the groom or his family. Such a gift is called a dowry. In some cases, the dowry is given to the bride so that she and her husband may benefit from it. In other cultures, the groom and his family present gifts to the family of the bride. This offering is called a bride price.
Wedding ceremonies.
The details of a wedding depend largely on the cultural backgrounds and personal preferences of the participants. People may get married in places of worship, homes, government buildings, parks, or elsewhere. Many couples choose to have large wedding celebrations with hundreds of guests. Others prefer smaller gatherings. Some couples elope.
Most wedding ceremonies involve two basic requirements. First, the couple must say that they want to become spouses. Second, the ceremony must have witnesses, including the official who marries the couple. If the couple have a religious ceremony, it is conducted by a member of the clergy, such as a minister, priest, or rabbi. If a couple are married in a civil (nonreligious) ceremony, a judge or some other authorized official performs it.
Many traditional Christian ceremonies begin with the groom and a male companion known as the best man entering and waiting for the bride at the altar of a church. The bride then walks down the aisle with her father or another male relative or family friend. A female companion of the bride called a maid of honor or matron of honor stands on the bride’s side of the altar during the ceremony. Additional attendants, often called bridesmaids and groomsmen, may also stand at the altar.
The bride customarily wears a white dress and veil and carries a bouquet. At the altar, the bride and groom exchange marriage vows and accept each other as husband and wife. The couple exchange wedding rings, which are usually placed on the ring finger of the left hand. After the ceremony, the bride and groom leave down the main aisle followed by their attendants. A reception, which may include a dinner, usually follows the ceremony.
People of various backgrounds follow this type of wedding ceremony, but many people depart from tradition or add their own features to it. Some couples write their own wedding vows. Different religious groups have their own versions of the ceremony.
Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox weddings.
Many weddings in Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox churches take place during a Mass, and the couple receive Holy Communion. Marriage is a sacrament (important religious ceremony) in the Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox churches (see Sacrament).
Quaker weddings.
A Quaker couple marry at a public gathering where they declare their commitment to each other. Quakers believe that God unites a couple, and so no minister or other official is required.
Mormon weddings
are held privately in Mormon temples. Only church members in good standing can attend these ceremonies. Mormons believe that marriage and family life continue after death.
Jewish weddings.
Most traditional Jewish weddings are held under a special canopy that represents the couple’s future home. At the end of the ceremony, an empty glass or other breakable object is placed on the floor and the groom breaks it with his foot. This act symbolizes the destruction of the ancient Jewish Temple in Jerusalem and reminds the couple that a marriage can also break if it is not protected.
Hindu weddings.
In a traditional Hindu ceremony, the bride, groom, and guests assemble at the bride’s house or at some other location in the bride’s home town. The bride’s sari (traditional dress) may be red, yellow, or green. During the ceremony, the groom places his right hand in the bride’s right hand and asks her to be his wife. A priest ties the couple’s garments together, and the groom leads the bride around a sacred fire. The most important rite of the Hindu wedding ceremony is the seven steps. As they take each step, the bride and groom recite an oath together. After the seventh step, the marriage is complete.
Buddhist weddings.
Buddhists generally view marriage as a nonreligious event that joins two families together. The wedding ceremony may take place in a temple, a public hall, or the home of the bride’s family. It usually features the burning of incense and the lighting of candles. Feasting at a large banquet table follows the ceremony.
Muslim weddings.
Traditional Muslim weddings involve a number of ceremonial procedures before the actual marriage takes place. The couple have ceremonial baths, often on the day before the wedding. They both have their hands and feet stained with henna (a reddish-brown dye). The marriage takes place when a contract is signed before an imām (leader of prayers) or some other official. If the ceremony is held in a mosque, an imām recites a prayer while holding together the hands of the couple. The guests then recite sections from the Qur’ān. A few days after the ceremony, the walima (wedding feast) takes place.
Origins of some wedding customs.
After some weddings, guests throw confetti, rice or other dried grain, or birdseed at the couple as a wish for children and good fortune. Rice has long been a symbol of fertility, happiness, and long life. The bride may toss her bouquet to the unmarried female guests. The woman who catches the flowers will supposedly be the next to marry. This custom is believed to have started in France in the 1300’s. The groom may also throw the bride’s garter to the unmarried men. The man who catches it will supposedly be the next to marry.
Marriage problems.
A couple expect certain things of each other even before they marry. After marriage, some spouses cannot satisfy their partner’s expectations. A couple may disagree about a variety of issues, such as how to spend their money or how to treat their children. If they do not work out their differences, they may find it difficult to be friends, romantic partners, or good parents.
Two of the most serious marriage problems are infidelity and domestic violence. Infidelity, sometimes called adultery, is romantic or sexual unfaithfulness of a married person to their spouse. Infidelity is a betrayal of trust that can severely damage a relationship. Domestic violence, sometimes called spouse abuse, may involve physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological abuse between marital partners. Domestic violence leaves long-lasting effects on its victims and their families.
Some marriages fail because the couple married when they were young and inexperienced. Alcoholism, drug misuse, depression, and other personal problems may also strain a marriage. Some studies have shown that if spouses differ greatly in age, have a low income, or do not belong to a religion, their chances of a successful marriage are reduced.
Couples with marriage problems may seek help from a trained marriage counselor. Serious marriage problems may lead to either a legal separation, in which a court authorizes spouses to live apart, or a divorce. Divorce has become increasingly common since the mid-1900’s. Many people feel that it is pointless to maintain an unsuccessful marriage. Divorced people may later remarry.
Changing attitudes about marriage.
Almost every society has certain expectations about marriage. In most Western societies, the husband traditionally was expected to earn a living and the wife was expected to do the housework and look after the children. Many people now disregard such traditional patterns. An increasing number of married women have paying jobs and help support their families. More husbands share such responsibilities as cooking, doing housework, and caring for the children. For some couples, the traditional roles are fully reversed, with the wife having a full-time job and the husband staying home to care for the children.
On the average, people stay single longer than they once did. For example, in the United States during the 1950’s, couples typically married by their early 20’s. Couples today are more likely to marry at the age of 25 or older. In the United States, Canada, and some European countries, an increasing number of young couples cohabit and then enter marriage in their late 20’s. Western trends have influenced patterns in many Asian countries. Average marriage age for Asian couples has increased since the mid-1900’s, and the emphasis on traditional gender roles has decreased somewhat.
There is some evidence that an increasing number of people choose never to marry. If a couple wish to avoid marriage, they may decide to live together with no formal obligations to each other. This arrangement is most common among young adults, but some couples of all ages cohabit without marrying. Many divorced individuals choose to cohabit with new partners. In many cases, these individuals have lost confidence in marriage as an institution but still desire intimate partnerships.
